School report: “Things I did with the Wifi on my Plane, while flying over Bird City Nebraska”.
First: decided opening a fat bit-torrent pipe would be a bit too obvious. Any jerk can start downloading the latest Grey’s Anatomy and bring the whole thing to a crawl. No special skills required.
Second: Got creative. I wrote a UNIX shell command and ported it surreptitiously to the wifi router on the plane. From there, it propagated to the other routers, and then on to all wifi connected devices.
Third. Instruction time! Unix commands tell all the coach-connected devices to turn over 30% of their processing power to the “new hive mind” (i.e. botnet, my wife is Russian, I know this shit), which thereby launches a denial-of-service attack on the Business class devices, who – can you believe it! – have their own business class IP cluster. Which presently all stop working, while all remaining bandwidth is prioritized to the devices in coach.
Fourth: having accomplished this, I drink some bad red wine (this is coach class, after all), reflecting that I have just connected the Occupy Wall Street and NetNeutrality movements! Brilliant!
And better than trying my hand at a stuxnet worm and then [xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]
(the rest edited by TSA censors…)
I am able to post this because of the uberfast OWS/NN SkyNet connection I have, being on the same flight and all.
But everything has its drawbacks, and sitting farther up in the plane than you, I am stuck now listening to the incessant crying of the Other Class cabin. Balling like babies.
Time for me to get a bad red wine.
TommyO
October 25, 2011 at 2:42 am